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Beautiful Monster

How my high school sweetheart became my abuser



Member since November 2020

About us

I am domestic abuse survivor, single father and author. I have recently released my personal memoir that details my relationship with a woman as she struggles with addiction and emotionally, and physically abuses me throughout our relationship—From being my high school sweetheart, to my wife and then the mother of my son. I have decided to donate 10% of my earnings from the book to Refuge. A charity that supports men, women and children that have, or are suffering from abuse.

"There are so many moments that I could have done differently, so many words I wish I could take back. Hit pause, step out of the scene and tweak the narrative, shovel the context, and change the outcome. But who would that make me, where would I be, and how different would my life have become?" How do you, as a man, speak out about abuse? When, as a boy, you're taught not to cry or be too sensitive. To keep your emotions closed off from everybody else. You hold your story and your feelings so near to you in an attempt to stay in control. While your shame burns and grows like the scars in your mind, left there by her words. And the ones on your body carved there by her hands.How do you fight when she consumes you. Her face appearing literally in every frame on the walls that surround you? You are more loyal to her than any of her addictions. Who are you to claim she hurt you? To allow your pain to leak out? You know you'd never be able to quantify the guilt if you were to shout a little louder, hit back! How do you love her so much that you've made peace with the notion that staying means you'll die there, but leaving is not an option?

You can buy your copy of the book here: